Topics you should discuss before you get married (or even engaged) #3

HouseToday’s Wedding Wednesday blog is the third in a series of posts on topics you should consider and discuss before you get married (click to read #1 & #2). If you are thinking about getting married, having these conversations with your partner will deepen your relationship and start you off on the right foot.

# 3. Should we live together before we get married or not? (Or, are we compatible?)
There is much controversy on this topic. It is up to the both of you to decide if you should live together before you get married. From my view there is one critical reason why living together first can be so helpful to determine if you should get married—compatibility. There is no better way to determine how you will get along in the day-to-day aspect that makes up all of life and marriage then experiencing how you get along day-to-day!

Old HomeYou might think that you know how someone lives their life when you are really close to them. Or you may feel that you have stayed over enough nights to know how your partner really behaves in everyday life. However, you will likely get a very different perspective once you are sharing—the bathroom, cooking, the remote control, the closet (yeah, this is important) and any number of other real-life activities every day.

Most studies of happily married couples list being simpatico as the number one reason why the marriage succeeds. Successful couples make tons of little decisions each day—to get up early or not, to eat dinner early or late, to stay in and watch TV and DVDs or go to the movies, yet they rarely have to negotiate the decision. Because if they have similar outlooks, then they both want to get up early, or eat dinner early or whatever. Live together for some time and you will learn if you are compatible fast!

Row House on CanalEven having the conversation about whether to live together or not is bound to bring up other associated topics that you didn’t think to discuss. For instance, where do you want to live after you are married? Do you want to have pets and if yes, are you a cat or dog person (or both)? Having conversations with your partner is a great thing to get in practice with right at the beginning of your relationship. Over your lifetime together you will have many, many opportunities to discuss and negotiate, so start learning how to have the deep and important conversations right now!

XOXO Rachel

Published by Rachel Mueller-Lust

I'm a writer, executive & life coach, wedding officiant & Life-Cycle Celebrant®, psychologist, media researcher and teacher. I explore language, relationship & connection, living a fulfilling life and the beauty & wonder of the world.

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