Two Tips for Writing Heartfelt Vows

Wedding VowsOnly two? Yes, you really only need to do two things to write your own vows: (1) Step out of your regular day-to-day work to slow down and (2) Write down why you love your partner. Here are some ideas to make this easier for you. Taking a break from your day-to-day responsibilities is hard for most of us, let alone when you are planning a wedding. It takes effort to find a time that you can call your own and get enough quiet to do some thinking. Try one of these activities.

  1. Path in Seattle ParkArrange a time with your fiancé/fiancée to sit together in a park. It doesn’t have to be anything elaborate, just steal away some time for just the two of you to be quiet together, preferably outside.
  2. Go for a walk by yourself. Maybe you are near a walking path, or maybe you are in a town with pretty house-lined streets or maybe you are by the beach (lucky you). Wherever you are, go for a walk to slow down your thinking and get away from your chores.
  3. Put on your favorite music and listen to it – here’s the tricky part – while not doing anything else at all. Listen to the lyrics, feel the rhythm and enjoy the music. Don’t read or watch TV or answer emails or text someone at the same time. The music is the point so let it move you emotionally or perhaps physically (see 4).
  4. Do physical activity that requires you to move but doesn’t require too much thinking. Maybe that’s yoga or dancing or jogging. Or maybe it’s a game of catch with your favorite furry dog friend or favorite human friend. Enjoy the movement and don’t overdo it so that you are too tired afterwards.

OK, now that you have taken time out to quiet your mind and slow down from life, it’s time to go to step (2) Write down why you love your partner. Writing down your feelings about your soon-to-be husband or wife can seem overwhelming. Here are some questions to ask yourself to get your ideas flowing. Just ask yourself the question, write down whatever pops in your head and later you will put it all together. Don’t try too hard and don’t forget to breathe!

  1. Holding HandsHow does you partner make you laugh? Think of the little moments during the day and how he or she has a way of making you laugh out loud. Write down lots of examples.
  2. What are the endearing qualities about your partner, perhaps that no one else gets to see? Think about times when it’s just the two of you. Is he a total goofball? Is he really a romantic gushball under that strong exterior? Is she always a step ahead of everyone, organizing and making plans? Is she always dancing and singing around the apartment? Write down everything you think of.
  3. When you think of your future together, what does it look like? Imagine your life in 5 or 10 years from now: what do you see and how does that make you feel? Excited, grateful, happy, exuberant, whatever emotion you feel, write it down.
  4. If a movie were made about the two of you, what would it be? Is it a romantic comedy, a drama (or melodrama), a thriller or adventure movie or even a sci-fi flick? Describe the characters in your life movie and why you are glad to be making this movie with your partner.

Wooded GazeboYou should have many rambling sentences to work with at this point. If not, repeat the two steps on another day. Re-read everything and refine the language you want to use in your actual vows. There really are no rules to what you include in your vows, but be sure they are something you are comfortable with sharing publicly and shoot for a length of about the magical number 7+/- 2 sentences. Your Celebrant/Officiant will be glad to provide suggestions so just ask for some help. And know that no matter what the words are, if they are true to what you feel for your partner, they will be heartfelt and perfect for your wedding ceremony. XOXO Rachel

Published by Rachel Mueller-Lust

I'm a writer, artist, executive & life coach, wedding officiant & Life-Cycle Celebrant®, psychologist, media researcher and teacher. I explore language, relationship & connection, living a fulfilling life and the beauty & wonder of the world.

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